New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Operation Purity has been aborted
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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