I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
