she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
