Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
