this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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