i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
