i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
