The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
