i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
