Heybabeimwearingurpanties
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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