new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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