sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I am midnight drunk by noon
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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