Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
