I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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