I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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