Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
