im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
