Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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