i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
How's work?
Spinning.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
