don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
