I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
