just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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