TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
