dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
