it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We left an ass print on the piano.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
