Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
