i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
