Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
