The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
