I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize