i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
