i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
