you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
