U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
