umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
