they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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