Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
