so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
