moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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