Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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