yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
