just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I lost the right to judge tonight
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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