Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
