One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
