Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
