She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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