can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Randomize
