I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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