i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
