just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The best revenge is premature balding
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
