Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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