Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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