I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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