Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
it was like eating out sand paper
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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