Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
