Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
