We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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