my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
