OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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