i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
not ubering you a puppy
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
