My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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