they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
