I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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