he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize