I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize