So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I can't put those talents on a resume
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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