Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Sext me about skeletons
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
