You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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