What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
