If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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