So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
