I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
