You're my little dorito
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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