this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
