omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
