Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize