I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
