I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
