i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
