HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize