I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
