I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
