No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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