Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
