she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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