I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
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