He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
