I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
