This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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