Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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