Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
