Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
