There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
