having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize