My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
