At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
