I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
