girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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