I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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