He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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