Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
