Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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