My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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