I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
