At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
my poor anus
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize