think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Randomize
