I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
