we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
