You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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