on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The convent might be a nice break from real life
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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