You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
