You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
