It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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