singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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