the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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