respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
