he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
