As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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