i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
