I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
